Momma, oh momma.
this week the inevitable of our age accursed my mother. now, within weeks of her own mother’s passing she rests in the same hospital ward that the late maxine passed away in. or maybe she wasn’t there, i can’t tell, the floor tiles are all the same and down is the only place i can bear to direct my eyes. it smells, of nothing really, but you know its in the air, “IT”, the blanket of inconvenience and stress that justifies the patients’ existence in there. we don’t actually know anything about anything yet, its all speculation and worry creasing our brows. it had no effect on me in the least. yet all of my priorities are re-oriented in the slightest of ways. i’m not even sure anymore.
she made that fish costume for halloween. once she even dressed me up as a couch potato and dory as a television, her bff was the remote. i was both henry the eighth and elizabeth the first.
everyone seems to have figured out, or are at least in the midst of figuring out something, whatever my mind is supposedly consumed with. thought, most likely. its too blank, as if the fiery emotions i’m usually consumed with evaporated. they weren’t sucked out slowly, nor did they self-combust in an explosion of indecision and confusion. maybe i simply don’t care. but do i really need to figure it out at all? what good would that do?